Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
