I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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