took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
