Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
