I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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