One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
