So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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