Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
