But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
