Just fell off a train. Bad.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's the barista slut.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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