Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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