Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
