oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You don't make any sense
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