so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
