WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
