hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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