woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
