someone threw a dead crab at me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
