So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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