Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
