Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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