How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
