i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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