I cannot find my penis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
