She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
