Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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