hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize