I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
