i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
