chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
