we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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