My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
