Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
