sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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