Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
