So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
