for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are leaves in my underwear?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
