So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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