My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
