he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
