he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
