The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
