I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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