I just made out with a guy for $7.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
