I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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