I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
