just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize