Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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