Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
