foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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