Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
