he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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