So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize