I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
