You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
