FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I did not marry a roomba.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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