happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
