went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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