if you like me you must not know who I am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
