went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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