Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
