***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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