i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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