you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
