I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is the prime rib incident all over again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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