you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize