True but thats because hes a fetus.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
