is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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