You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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