That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
