If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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