Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
