i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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